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A lot of us are guilty of always yielding, even when it is an inconvenience. Some of us are currently on the path we are on just simply because we failed to take charge of our lives, values and belief system.
This is as a result to saying, ‘yes’, when you should have said, ‘No’!
The Power to say, ‘no’ is a skill that we should possess if we want to honour ourselves by setting the required personal boundaries that would help us succeed. Make no mistake, this may not come easy per varying circumstances.
Read more: The change you desire is YOU!
Sometimes, certain relationships and partnerships do not expect to ever hear a no from you. Once you do, it is assumed that you have gone against the norm. However, I am here to tell you that possessing the ability to freely say no to certain issues is a vital skill that would not only enable you to set boundaries but afford you the power to control your overall existence.
Picture a situation where you have said yes to someone at the expense of your own position, values or belief. We know that as human beings, the tendency for us to positively rate and accept relationships is the ability to have the other party meet our needs, no matter what the odds are.
However, the ability to say no demonstrates that you first and foremost care for yourself! Does this sound selfish? Probably yes! Is it selfish? Absolutely not! Remember, you must be able to love and cater to yourself first before you can ultimately do so for another.
Sometimes, saying no, brings with it some form of guilt because we believe we could have accommodated! We often get consumed with regret. But the question is, why do you feel guilty when all you did was look out for yourself? The truth however is that you are most likely going to regret the “yes” you said much later, especially when the action does not quite align with all that you hold dear at that material time.
Now think about the phrase, “peer pressure”. Does this in any way sound positive? No! It is a social influence of a group of people, friends or even society on an individual, to alter his/her values, beliefs or even behavior just to belong.
Saying yes to belong! We would agree that should the individual had said no, set boundaries and looked out for “self”, this pressure will not stand. The burnout and the stress that comes with our inability to take charge of oneself first can be far-reaching.
I remember once when a very dear friend of mine requested something from me and for the first time, I said, “no”. I was so excited and fulfilled at my ability to do so. I felt powerful that I could. Mind you, this was a dear friend of mine, who was quite certain that I would yield to the request. Why? Because I had always done that, even when it was not convenient to do so. But guess what, from then on, saying no was no more a tough nut to crack!
I should point out that, “It is OK to say NO”. You do not need to assume yourself to be mean to others. The lesson is that if it aligns with your values, beliefs and plans, please say yes and be fulfilled. However, should it take you just a step away from your perceived fulfillment, embrace the POWER TO SAY NO!
Some may say, “I have a good heart” and as such can not say no, especially when I can say, ‘yes’. This is not just about morality being right or wrong. It is about focus! In addition, it is not also about religion because even that demands being wise. Oftentimes, this stems from our desire to be accepted.
Remember, the desire to grow demands a lot of sacrifice, sometimes great and others not so great. You must be willing to take control. You must be different! The only person that knows the destination of YOU is, You! Thus, as the driver, you should only take on the passengers that are headed your way! Allowing individuals – friends, colleagues, acquaintances, family and more who are heading towards the opposite direction would not only derail your movement but lead to a regrettable collusion course!
Finally, embrace YOU first! Love You and constantly look out for yourself. Note that the ability to say no proves you are on the right course and choosing to focus on what really matters by avoiding what does not. In saying no, be wise enough to be humble, kind and polite about it.
Remember, the Change you desire and deserve is YOU!
Let us create the Change we deserve!
Contributed by Zinny Obidike
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